To begin, I was an insufferable geek with delusions of the granduer of love, sigh, and all I dreamed of was kissing a boy. Yes, and this was in 1987, I was 16 and had yet to exchange bodily fluid of any sort with the opposite sex. Kiss? Kiss!?! I couldn't talk to guys.
6/21/87 4:53 pm
"...Mom better let me go to I. She's been waving that over y head again. She complains that I never do anything for her. Like she really goes out of her way to do something for me. All I wanted to do is play the organ - WITH THE HEADPHONES ON - in the living room. No, I have to go in my room so her "precious" G. can sit on the couch. I wouldn't want to sit by him anyway! The only thing that will make this summer is that she works, golfs, and is at G.'s so much that she is never is home anyway. And K. G.'s here..."
6/25/87 12:29 pm
"Today is hursday. Tues we went to Magic Waters, was ok. I got sunburned. It would have been better if G. hadn't come. I wish he hadn't come to Pitsix either. Yester day Mom was gone all day. When she came home, I helped her make nametags for her layday. Today she wants me to outline some more. I didn't feel like it and she got mad and said "Just forget it". She didn't say anything to K.[my sister] when she wouldn't help last nite, now she want me to help stain, I said ok but G. just came up to help. He was here last nite too."
What drivel!!!! I don't remember any of this crap, ugh, I needed help!
Looking back, I think it was the rush. Twisting a man, well, boy really, around my little finger, making them chase me. Come on, for a kid, going from the wallflower, tagalong geek to the local block whore, that's a rush! Call me a sex addict, no not even that, it wasn't about the sex, so what do you call it then. It felt like... power. But let me reminisce, that's all that's left for me now.